Saturday, October 3, 2009

Target: We go here A LOT

There's this big, bright place with a lot of red accents called Target. The Big People seem to always need something from this place. The Big Person Who Wants Us To Call Her Mommy says we go because the Big Person We're Supposed to Call Daddy can't function without something known as a triple espresso. When we go to Target, we always visit the Big People With The Funny Green Visors at the front of the store. The front of the store is apparently called a Starbucks. They have these noisy machines at this Starbucks and they make stuff in these machines and then give the stuff to Big Person Daddy to drink. It stinks. And either it tastes like crap or it hurts, because Big Person D. makes awful grimaces and takes really tiny, girly sips. Basically, we figure it must be some kind of medicine since Big Person D. walks around like a zombie all morning, but after he drinks this crap he's all better and much more fun to be around.

Of course, there's more to Target than just the Starbucks. It's a huge place and there's all kinds of junk laying around on shelves. Big Person Mommy is always picking this junk up and putting it in a cart and bringing it home. She brings the same junk home over and over. We don't know why this happens. We guess maybe someone comes to our house to take it back to the store in the middle of the night.

If you go to this Target place, be forewarned: your Big People will bicker with each other at the place called "the registers". This is because the Big Person D. will accuse the Big Person M. of being incapable of going to Target without dropping at least a hundred bucks. Apparently this hundred bucks is a big deal. We know this because our Big Person D. flares his nostrils when he hears that they have once again dropped it. Our Big Person M. then gets angry and reminds Big Person D. that the medicine from the Starbucks that he takes everyday isn't exactly cheap either -- this is interesting because we don't go to the Starbucks everyday! We finally figured out that this must be where Big Person D. is all those days when we don't see him for such a long time. We suspect he is very sick.

Anyway, the Big Person M. will then challenge the Big Person D. to show her how she can possibly get by without all of the junk she's put in the cart -- including something called In Touch Weekly. The Big Person D. will roll his eyes and puff up his chest. The Big Person M. will suck her teeth and put her hands on her hips. She will then wave around the really long piece of paper the Big Person At The Register gave her. She will tick off every item on the list, explaining why it is important. This is all very tedious.

At this point we always fall asleep. If your Big People take you to this Target place and you manage to stay awake, please tell us sometime what happens next.

Rating: 2 out of 3 diapers


  1. I think you guys need to becareful of Big PD and Big PM. There is something very sinster about them!!

    I cannot wait for your next post!!!

  2. Thank you! As infants we are very often met with opposition, doubt, etc. People don't usually take our opinions seriously. It's a big deal to us when a big person cheers us on. You are a big person, right?

  3. Tegan and Matthew:

    I wouldn't worry about your insomnia too much; it should resolve itself before too long. Someday very soon, you guys will sleep through the whole night without waking up. You may notice some changes in your Big People after this happens; they may celebrate this sleeping-through-the-night business, even if it's just high-fiving each other. Oh, and Big Person Daddy may be drinking fewer triple espressos.

    About those espressos....think of that as a "ba-ba" for Big People. Lemme tellya, that stuff is a real lifesaver.

    I too take my Little Person to Target. She's about ten. Her favorite sections are "toys" and "dvds". Soon, when she discovers that the people called "boys" are kinda-sorta....a little bit more interesting than they were before, I suspect her favorite sections are going to be "juniors," "cosmetics," and "accessories". When that happens, I'll never get outta there without dropping that famous hundred bucks. On the up side though, I probably won't have to hassle her about combing her hair.

    Anyway. Enjoy those trips to Target. See if you can identify some of that junk on the shelves. Point to it and try to name it. Your Big People will get a kick outta that. They'll get less of a kick outta you putting some of the junk in the cart when they aren't looking, but that's fun, too. It'll keep things interesting for the Long Piece of Paper at the Register part of the trip. "Who put this crap in here?!" "I dunno; I didn't buy it!" Try to look innocent when this happens.